Pillow Fight

I was talking with my friend Sweet Tea the other day when she asked me a question that surprised me: “Why do grown men get all stupefied over the phrase ‘pillow fight’?”

I know that I’ve lost all the men at this point, so for the all the women that may still be reading, I was surprised by the question because I thought Sweet Tea was already well in touch with the way pigs men think.  Here’s what happens – you say the words ‘pillow fight’ to a man and immediately his already sex-addled brain conjures up this image:

We can’t help it; it must be in our DNA or something.

So I told Sweet Tea, “well, when we hear that phrase we imagine based on every teen movie like Porky’s or Animal House that has ever been made you girls in your under wear, painting each other’s toe-nails, braiding each other’s hair, when suddenly a pillow fight breaks out.  That quickly evolves into light pushing, wrestling…which moves to kissing and…”

“ALRIGHT!” Sweet Tea stopped me right there.  “I get the picture.”

I quickly changed the subject.  But afterwards my mind floated back to the pillow fight conversation as I imagined Sweet Tea and several of her friends painting each other’s toe-nails.  I wondered if there was anything like that in a woman’s world.  But then I realized that even if a woman fantasized about men fighting, they were likely to be fighting over her and it would not end up the same way as a pillow fight.  That’s the thing – we have no problem imagining hot women’s sexual “fluidity.”  But sexual “fluidity” in men is another story.

Or so I thought.  Then I stumbled on an article which challenged that thought:

The article also quoted a neuroscientist who had analyzed over a billion internet searches and discovered “…straight men do search for images of penises – especially large penises – almost as much as they search for vaginas.”  So, are men becoming more sexually “fluid” or are those searches merely for comparisons sake?

Ohhhkay “Pally.”  First, I’m not real sure whether you meant as a giver or receiver but either way it is not the kind of “fluid” we’re really talking about here.

Interesting “Joe.” You apparently have the only set of eyes on the planet that is able to filter out men from pornographic sexual images.

I’ll save you all the trouble of reading the next post from “KAS” here unless you really want to.  I will just say that he wants to prove his superiority by giving a lesson on genetics, but then can’t bring himself to use the word “penis” so refers to “wing wangs.”  Aaaaahahahahaha!!!

Anyone else want to float a lie out there?

I don’t think that’s normal “fritz.”  You should not feel “disgust and loathing” over a naked body like yourself.  Unless, or course, you weigh 500 lbs and haven’t seen your own “wing wang” in quite some time.  Either way, I think you need to talk to someone.

I’m not sure either one of you knows what the meaning of gay is.  It’s one thing to be closeted but quite another to be in denial.

Lol…

Way to take the air out of a perfectly good argument…”I’m doing my hair”

Wow…that exchange was even a little too much for me.

Well, we’re never going to “get to the bottom” (snicker) of it this way.  So, back to my visions of pillow fights…

Be Reasonable.

Poor Thing

Mila Kunis recently pontificated to the New York Daily News on just how tough it’s been for her to be hot and to have had steady employment throughout her career:

"I have everything working against me at this point," she said. "I am a woman, I'm a child actress and I was on a television show for eight years."

Clearly Kunis has a solid understanding of struggle and the dedication it takes to reach your goals:

"I still don't have a f*****g clue what I'm doing. I'm not confident in my talent, whatever that might be, and I hope I never am.”

As if those hardships aren’t enough to bear, the poor little dear sits at home at night—ALONE!—with a cup of chamomile tea and a good book:

"Is a guy going to come up to me and ask if he can take me out on a date? Where can I go and have this date? I can't go anywhere! My house, his house ... So what do you do? I'm trying to be like a normal girl and a single girl ... but the concept of being single and in my position is just not workable. I couldn't even go on a date if I wanted to!"

Man…I wonder if anyone on the internet has any feelings they’d like to share…
Hit it, haters!

Wait, who’s that over there?  Take-yourself-a-bit-too-seriously crowd? Your turn. Dun dun dunnnnnnnnn…

And, finally, let’s hear it from the most generous, giving, caring guys around…

Reading and video games?!  Sounds dreamy…

Wait…one more. Bitter? Table for one, please:

Oh, K Dub…saying what we were all thinking…

Be reasonable.

Arousing Suspicion

There are three things that never fail to “move the needle” when it comes to generating discussions: religion, politics, and sex.  My work here of course is focused on heated internet discussions that broadly paint people into two camps and how we, as Americans, have seemingly lost the ability to have reasonable disagreements with each other.  To demonstrate how deep this runs, I normally stay as far away from religion and politics as possible because those subjects are just too easy (and they typically find their way into any discussion board or comment string anyway).  But sex is another story.  Friend and fellow blogger “Sweet Tea” (whose excellent stuff you can sample here) has told me that whenever she feels the need to increase traffic on her page, she just throws in a few photos of boobs for her male readers and the hits increase by a factor of two (see what I did there?)

So this past week a little news story caught my attention.  It’s a story about a man named Jonah Falcon who claimed to be overly groped by the TSA (I don’t think this was related to the other recent TSA alcohol related event I wrote about).  The kicker on this story is that Mr. Falcon happens to be the owner of the world’s largest penis, measured at 9 inches flaccid and 13.5 inches…uhhhh…not.

It turns out that the TSA agents thought Mr. Falcon might be trying to smuggle something in his pants (snicker).  So they frisked him.  Yeah.  My favorite part of the story was when the TSA agent asked Mr. Falcon if he had “a growth” (snicker).  Mr. Falcon calmly replied “That’s my dick.”  Hahahahahaha…I would have been tempted to say, “A growth?  Not yet.  But I will if you keep doing that…s-l-o-w-l-y.”

Obviously this was something I thought might generate a bunch of discussion and I wasn’t disappointed.  However, what I also found was that there was not a whole lot of divisive comments and/or sniping about this story.  Many of the comments were not only way more clever than what I could have come up with but also had me laughing so hard that I decided this week I would simply let the internet denizens have their say without me.  So, presented for your reading pleasure, without further adieu, my favorite commenters yet:

You guys make me proud!

Be Reasonable.